If you have been following us for anytime now, you have heard about our love for the Safe Conversations methodology.
There are dozens of systems out there these days designed to help people develop their communication skills. And it makes sense – we can’t help but recognize the desperate need we humans have to understand one another, to collaborate on important issues, and to co-exist in relative peace and prosperity. Humans have always admired those deemed “good communicators”, and we’ve tried for millennia to capture exactly what makes one person a better communicator than another. There are programs and processes that map out the characteristics of good communicators, right down to the non-verbal cues we give through our body language. Processes to teach us how to:
- build rapport
- match tone
- answer questions
- mitigate objections
- dissuade
- challenge
- convince
- emulate posture
- ask questions
- anticipate objections
- persuade
- argue
- deflect
The list is practically endless, outnumbered perhaps only by the claims of how these skills will improve your love-life, sales numbers, career success, and popularity. If it sounds like these are focused mostly on the self, then you’re hearing that right. What do most “communication” methods teach? Basically, they lean into the mindset that if you improve certain individual skills and use them on others, you will be a more successful communicator. What does that mean? You’ll convince others to buy from you? To agree with you? To vote for you? This is the widely accepted way to get your needs met as an individual – by learning to “communicate” (aka, “talk”) your way to getting what you want. But is what you want really what you need? We believe not, at least not exactly.
Human beings are at our core a relational species – social animals whose primary need and desire is to connect with each other, in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. Safe Conversations is focused on the relational element – the mindset that it is within relationship to others that we learn to be better individuals. Better meaning more compassionate, empathetic, and attuned to both our needs and those of others. When we truly connect as human beings, then what is good for you is good for me, and vice versa.
What makes SC different is that we operate from this relational paradigm rather than from the self-focused, individualistic paradigm upon which nearly all other methods are based.
Safe Conversations teaches people how to relate to one another in an equitable, two-way model of dialogue, rather than the one-directional model of monologue described above. We tap into cutting-edge brain science to teach you certain phrases that have been proven to NOT trigger a negative response in the other person, and we elevate the skill of listening to an equal, if not higher, standing than the art of talking. All these aspects and more are what make a conversation feel safe to the human brain. After all, it’s our amazing human brain that’s constantly scanning our environment for potential danger, continuously working to keep us safe. With Safe Conversations, instead of being talked at (not safe), you are being talked with (safe); instead of being told you’re wrong for disagreeing (not safe), your unique life experience is validated, and your difference is accepted (safe); instead of your feelings being ignored or put down, (not safe), your feelings are acknowledged and valued, (safe). So, what makes Safe Conversations different?
A Safe Conversation is exactly that: Safe. And we feel safe, we can have a conversation that is effective, authentic, and productive. It’s a win-win for both parties, and it finally gets us what we really want and need as humans – true connection.
We teach this simple process in our workshops. You can find them at safeconversations.com or let’s talk and set up an in-person or virtual workshop with your friends, family or other eco-system.
Here For You.
Clay and Sonja